So I had been going on, finally happy with my journey in Christianity, I was at a "safe" spot spiritually. I wasn't overzealous and beating people over the head with my Bible or scriptures, but I was confident to stand up for MY JESUS. Everyone I know old and new friends, family and enemies, well I dont have any of them but if I did, knew of my journey and when I had a chance to give God the glory I did....
them: oh that was the best massage i feel so much better i been in pain for so long. How did you learn to do that"
me: thank you but I cant take credit its truly a gift from God he gives me the anointing to be the body whisperer
seriously this is how I talk to my clients we laugh and then I say "seriously though" and we laugh some more. But I know they know I mean it and they feel it and as my life reflects the Jesus in me they know it to be the truth....anyway. As they say you cant be a testimony without a test. I have been going through this one particular test for a looooooooong time. I believed I had finally got my faith and other things I felt Jesus was asking of me together enough for the blessing to happen. For years I prayed and believed with others that this was the time, summer of 2011, that it would happen. I even believe God gave me some Faith Fuel in answering a prayer directly related to the bigger prayer request. But when it didnt happen, needless to say I was bummed. Now I have gotten mad at God before and went completely off the reservation in absolute bratty rebellion, but this time I am alot stronger and determined in my walk. So when I pulled back a little, as you do in any relationship when they "hurt your feelings", I wasnt concerned I knew my heart still wanted to follow Jesus even though my "feelings" didn't want to express any joy FOR the Lord. So I carried on in this lukewarm "cruise control" state. I went to church, I even went to midweek service, I tithed etc. It was only when I went to my Praise Dance rehearsal did I realize how disconnected I became. I had no desire to be there but I forced myself to go. I certainly had no praise or worship in me but just sitting in their presence usually made me feel better as the Spirit of the Lord is always present. Then the words of the song we were going to minister to hit me. It brought me to tears almost as soon as I walked in. I couldnt control it. I got up and left out the room. I thought I had it together so I went and sat back down and waited for my direction. BOOM face got hot I could feel the tears bubblin' up again. Why was I crying? I felt ashamed of how I felt about MY JESUS. Ashamed that I didnt "feel" like acknowledging him in anyway. Some of the ladies I danced with noticed I was having a tough time and came out into the hallway, praise God for them, SERIOUSLY, I dont know how far this funk I was in would have lasted if not for the few words told to me. After explaining all my crap to them...
Me:I just don't "feel" like giving him praiseThem: Who said you have to "feel" like it
Now when she said that I instantly felt stupid...
Me: How can I fake it until I make it praising Jesus that just dont seem right (John 4:24)
Them: Who said you had to "feel" like it, when you dont "feel" like it is when you have to press in the most. On the other side of that, is your blessing. Matt 7:7 Luke 18:1
1 Thessalonians 5:17 & 18 Pray continually; give thanks in ALL circumstances....
